Gustave’s diary entry Wednesday, 3 February

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Bon, hello. It’s Gustave again. A lot of things have happened since yesterday. Nhar and myself and our Kazakh friend Alibek who flew the helicopter, we were stuck in the snow on the mountain face in Kyrgyzstan, certainly to die of hypothermia and frostbite also. (If you want to know what I am talking about, you can read our diary from Tuesday, 2 February).

First, Nhar he have an idea: with his last breath, he make the sound of a mountain goat. It’s a good sound. It is one of the specialties of Nhar.

A Kyrgyz sheepherder guy in the next valley, he know the mountain goat they don’t normally make noise in the middle of the night, so he come to take a look. He find Nhar and myself and our Kazakh friend Alibek almost frozen stiff. The Kyrgyz guy, his name is Rahat. Rahat he carry us back to his hut and he give us some sheep soup, and he give us sheepskin beds to sleep.

In the morning, Rahat he slaughter a sheep for us for breakfast. While we eat, we look out over a big valley. And I wonder to myself how we are going to get to New York on time for the opening of the show on Friday, now that the helicopter is broken.

It’s a beautiful country, Kyrgyzstan. Many river, lake, mountain, also sheep. Rahat he tell us a story about how the Kyrgyz people they got to live in such a beautiful place. When God he was finished making the world, it turned out he made a mistake and he didn’t leave any room for the Kyrgyz people. They went to God and they say bon, we don’t want to complain, but you forgot to make for us a place to live. God he say oh my god! You are right. Please, take this property I was going to use for my vacation resort. The Kyrgyz people they say thank you so much God, we will take it. And that is how the Kyrgyz people they end up to live in the most beautiful country in the world.

Our Kazakh friend Alibek he say Rahat, you are right! Kyrgyzstan IS more beautiful than Kazakhstan. Also I am tired of the helicopter-flying business, so I will stay here in Kyrgyzstan and I will go into the sheep-herding business.

Our Kyrgyz friend Rahat he say ah Alibek, that’s a fine choice. For me also sheep-herding is a second career. I used to take care of the old national personal pneumatic tube transport system for Party members to travel in the USSR. Now my life is a lot more quiet, I am happy. Gustave and Nhar, would you also like to stay here in Kyrgyzstan and herd the sheep?

I say bon, Kyrgyzstan is beautiful, but Nhar and myself, we have a show to do in three days in New York. It’s called Cabaret Terrarium, and it opens this Friday, February 5, at 8 pm, at Triskelion Arts in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It go until February 14. Here is a postcard.

Then I say Rahat, do you think we could use the pneumatic tube system to get to our gig?

Rahat he say I think it’s a bit dusty, but you can try. It will take you as far as Vladivostok in Siberia, and you have to figure it out from there. I am happy to give you an animal which can take you to the tube entrance in the valley.

I say, how can we get there on time if we are riding on a sheep?

He say no, you will take a horse.

So Nhar and myself, we say goodbye to Alibek and Rahat and we ride to the pneumatic tube entry duct. It look like a well. We get in the canister of plexiglass, and hoopla! We are sucked into a tunnel of solid rock! We rush for a long while, and then we slow down in a station. On the wall of the station, we see many big statue of Soviet leader. You have Lenin, Stalin, Malenkov, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, also Kosygin and Mikoyan from the troika, then Andropov, Chernenko, and Gorbachev. He was the last one. Now they have democracy in Russia.

We get out of the tube and a woman she say bon, welcome to the airport in Vladivostok. My name is Olga. Unfortunately, you have missed the last flight to New York, it was five minutes ago. I am so sorry.

So Nhar and myself, we are stuck in Vladivostok, sitting in front of the ticket window of Olga, and Cabaret Terrarium it open in two days. Nhar, he doesn’t have any idea. I don’t know what we are going to do. Please check back tomorrow to find out.

Your friend,
Gustave

473 Responses to “Gustave’s diary entry Wednesday, 3 February”

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